Just looking for answers

Dear ol dad leaves home when i,m 7 leaving mom to raise 6 kids on welfare cause dad move's across the country and starts new family never to be seen again...(no child support,bday cards,ect..)

Struggle in school cause kids are mean at that age and don,t understand why your so poor.. not that i was the only one but it still sucked.

Meet a girl at 16,have sex ,have baby,drop out of school to get job,have three more kids before i,m 25,keep working manual labor cause thats all you'll get with little education,kept food on the table and roof over our heads and with the grace of god managed to raise 4 well manerd/polite adults..

When the youngest turned 20 i leave the marrage because i was not in love with this woman whom never atempted to help us get out of our finical position.(i just thought she would get a job when the youngest turned like 14 maybe)

So i leave, get a room in a friends house and find a new job.

After a year i meet this wonderful woman who i relize is my soul mate, she also has older kids and left an abusive relationship.We date for months then get our own place together, alls well untill her oldest daughter (26) dies in her sleep...that,s the worst thing that could ever happen to a person...to lose a child.

A year go,s by like a blur...I lose my job and put my back out all in a two week span, i try to keep the faith but it,s getting harder by the day.

So now i feel like i,m just making things worse for this woman i love so much and i don,t know what to do, It,s not like i,m not trying it,s just that it seems like everything i do makes it worse...So at this time all i ask is that you say a prayer for me and maybe just maybe it will keep me off the ledge.

Thank You and God Bless